William Tristan was born in the early hours of the Friday morning,Oliver was completely oblivious to the events that unfolded in the chateu grounds.I on the other hand was dying inside.I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs but no sound would come out.This should be one of the proudest moments of my life.But I feel nothing,my heart is an empty shell,a blank canvas so to speak.I’m forever trapped in this life.I looked at this son of mine,this tiny little ray of sunshine entering this little mixed up world.I should be happy,all I feel is hate,I can’t even escape out of this darkness.Oliver broke me out of my trance he kissed my forehead.
‘Finally a son.’
Is that all he can think about? Not the welfare of his wife? That he finally has an heir to his fortune.I wish I was in London,then I would be surrounded by my family and friends.I need them now.
‘William Tristan after my father.’ I smiled.
‘William Tristan Rickman,I like that Gisele.’
‘Sounds almost noble, William? Quite the Lord of the Manor,quite like the father?’
‘God rest his soul.’
‘You never told me what happened in the garden? What were you doing out there at that time of night?’
‘Louisa and I had a disagreement,I needed to be alone.’
‘What was Lord Henry doing out there?’
‘He was venturing the grounds,he discovered me lying there.I was lucky that he found me.’
‘Stupid really,I had been feeling unwell for sometime.but ignored it I felt faint and stumbled down the steps.’
‘Why didn’t you tell me?’
‘Because I know you would fuss over me.I love you but sometimes I feel you suffocate me,just give me room to breath! I’m sorry.’
‘He kissed me,he looked at my hand.
‘Your wedding ring? Did you lose it in the garden?’
‘I placed it somewhere for safe keeping.’ I lied.
‘How are the children?’
‘Longing to see their Mama and brother.’
‘There such darlings.’
‘Take after their Mama then.’Oliver went to leave the room.
‘Where are you going?’
‘You need your rest,and I am going to relieve Anna she is taking care of Esme and Ava….I’m so proud of you sweet pea.’
Anna is our new house maid,I wish Oliver wouldn’t insist on leaving the children with her.Then again who am I to judge I was the one who was prepared to walk out on them.Oliver left the room,I was alone with my son.I looked at him,what is wrong with me? When I saw Esme and Ava for the first time after they were born,I have never felt such love.I bonded with them instantly,with William why do I feel differently towards him? I hope this changes in time.
Louisa walked in,I was surprised to see her after our little encounter.I really hope she has found it in her heart to forgive me,I hate all of this ill feeling between us.I struggled to sit up.
I’m so sorry.’ she ran over to my bedside and grasped my hand.
‘I feel responsible.If we hadn’t rowed.’
‘If anything happend to William I’ll never have forgiven myself.’
‘It’s all in the past.’ I smiled.
‘What was Benjamin doing out there in the first place?’
‘Does it matter,I just feel lucky that he came to my rescue.’
‘Quite the hero?’
‘Let’s make a vow,never to row again?’
‘I’m so sorry for what I said,I was only looking out for you….I can’t help but feel overprotective…’
‘How sweet? He has your eyes,so perfect.’
‘He is isn’t he?’
‘I won’t keep you…Oliver insists that you need your rest and I’ve got wedding preparations to be getting on with.Gisele will you reconsider becoming my Matron of Honour?’
‘I shall be honoured.’I smiled.
‘Oh I’m so pleased! I must tell Benjamin at once!’
A little while later,Benjamin entered the room.I looked at him,and I died a thousand deaths.I can’t bare to be around him,it breaks my heart that we were about to start a new life together and all I have left is picking up the pieces,watching him marrying his Louisa.
‘I never dreamt you’d go you go your own sweet way?’
‘Gisele you gave me no choice.’
‘I just wish….’
‘You’ll always be mine in my heart.’
‘How can I you’re marrying Louisa,it’s time to say goodbye?’
‘I’ll be with you every day.If only you left sooner?’
‘So many questions Ben,I’m sick and tired of what if’s? I can’t do this not now.’
‘He’s got Oliver’s eyes.’
‘Funny,Louisa said he had mine?’
‘I’ll stand by you no matter what Gis.’
‘I beg of you don’t say that again Ben.’
‘I’ll never let no one hurt you.’
‘William he’s supposed to be my saving grace.I swore to my Lord that I would never fall again…’
‘The letter? What happend to it?’
‘It’s none of your concearn.’
‘It does when it’s reveals our affair.’
‘Don’t worry,your pretty little Louisa won’t find it,it’s hidden away.’
‘My feeling’s for you haven’t changed,they still remain the same you do know that don’t you?’
I nodded my head.
‘The bond between is something else….’
‘You know that I can not give into my temptation…’
No matter how many times I told him to forget about me,theres something inside of me that still wants a piece of him.Even know my heart is pounding inside,it’s so difficult to compose myself,the heat between us is intense.
‘Seeing you lying there,helpless.It killed me,I thought that I was going to lose you.’
‘I was never yours to lose Ben.’
‘I thought that.’
‘You and I may have made love,and have all of these intense feelings for one another.But we were behaving as if we were a pair of lovestruck teenagers,we’re hardly Romeo and Juliet?’
‘No that’s you and Oliver?’
‘Please Ben,my sweet dream has turned into a nightmare.Maybe it’s a sign?’
‘Don’t say that?’
‘You were my guilty pleasure,the truth is I never needed you to feel strong.Do what you set out to do marry Louisa.We will never speak of our arrangement again,kiss me one last time.Then walk away.Please.’
Tears rolled down my cheeks Benjamin,walked over to to the bed and kissed my lips.I closed my eyes,to remember our very last moments together.’
‘Loving you,isn’t the right thing to do.Be happy Lord Henry,for me.Your Gisele.’
With that Lord Henry left the room and that’s the last I saw of him.
A few days later,I had an unexpected visitor.
‘I was sat in the drawing room,William was asleep in his basket next to me.
I embraced him. ‘What are you doing here? How I’ve missed you so.’
‘As soon as I heard about William,I thought I aught to come straight away.’
‘Well I’m glad that you did.Would you like me to fix you a drink?’
I struggled to get up,I felt so weak.My ribs were hurting me,it must have been caused from the impact when I fell in the garden.
‘Gisele? I came to see you,not for you to play Mother.Sit.’
‘If you insist?’ I laugh.
‘Glad you still listen to me?’
‘You wouldn’t have it any other way?’ I teased. ‘You look well?’
‘I’d say the same to you,but you look ghastly!’
‘And I love you too Carl Casey.’
‘Well I took your advice,I’ve moved away where I’m completely unknown.’
‘Where did you end up?’
I was anxious to hear about his tale,my troubles will keep.’
Have you told anyone?’
‘Not a soul,I shall take that secret to my grave.’
‘You’re a true friend.’
‘As are you Carl.’
‘I’ve met someone.’
‘That’s not the reaction that I was hoping for?’
‘I’m sorry,you’ve taken me by surprise.I’m so happy for you,you deserve this.I want to know every little detail.’
‘Now you’re beginning to sound like Lady Antoinette?’
‘Oh come on Carl,don’t act so coy.I want to know all about the girl,who stole my best friend’s heart?’
‘Well her name is Lady Rose Keating.’
‘Oh? A nice english girl? Once bitten twice…shy ring any bells the delightful Lilyella?’
‘Oh don’t remind me of her.I honestly don’t know why Rose is with me.She’s perfect in every single way.’
‘So the complete opposite to the Lady who drove you to murder?’
‘I’m sorry Carl,but I can’t help feeling responsible.’
‘Gisele,my love.Look at me,it’s in the past.’
‘How could you possibly know that? They might catch you and put you away? How could I go on without my best friend?’
‘Please don’t cry.’
‘I can’t help it,I’m so sorry.’
‘I don’t deserve your kindness,I’ve condemned you to a life of imprisonment and you’ve just met the love of your life?’
‘They found the body!’
‘How can you be so calm! Carl they might come after you.’
‘They might come round here and start asking questions.I’m up to my neck in it,Carl I know I said I would stand by you! But….’
‘Can I stop you right there? Yes,they may have found the body belonging to my wretched brother! They put it down to the cause of death to his wayward ways.He had been drinking heavily.’
‘But you hit him?’
‘They put it down to the impact of his fall.I’m in the clear Gisele.’
‘Oh Carl,I’m so happy things are finally falling into place for you.My life on the other hand is spiralling out of control.I’m out of my depths.’
‘I don’t understand? I thought that you were putting all of the business with Lord Henry behind you?’
‘I tried.I truly did,I was planning to leave my husband for Benjamin,things have heated up since our last meeting.I had really fallen for him Carl.I think I loved him.’
‘William.I collapsed in the garden.’
‘Oh Gisele,nothing is is never straight forward with you.’
‘I don’t want your pity,I’m so ashamed.What kind of woman have I turned into? I was going to leave Esme and Ava,for a gentleman.I barely know whatever possessed me?’
‘The heart is such a powerful muscle in the body.’
‘How could I ever think of abandoning my children? I swore I would always put them first.’
‘Well you’re here now.Thats all that matters.’
‘Does Oliver know?’
‘No and he never will.’
‘If he did,do you think I would be in one piece…as for Benjamin,he swore that if anyone hurt his precious little Louisa he would kill them.He must never discover the truth.I wrote him a letter,don’t you worry.That’s in a place were he must never find it.Now Louisa and Lord Henry are making plans all steam ahead for their perfect wedding.She has even asked me to be her Matron of Honour.’
‘I hope you refused her?’
‘How could I? All of this secrecy is killing me…Deep down I still have feelings for him.How long are you thinking of staying?’
‘I’m here for as long as you need me.’
‘Thank you Carl.’
I am proud to announce that Oliver and I are proud parents to a beautiful son
I chose the name William Tristan,in tribute to my father.
He is so beautiful Mama,I wish you could see him.
Oliver is a proud father,of course as he finally as his heir to his estate.
Carl is with us,apparently he has a new lady friend,a Lady Rose Keating.
Have you heard of her? Carl assures me that she is delightful.
But I shall be the judge of that when I get to meet her.I do wish he brought her to Marseilles.
This place needs livening up with fresh new blood,times like this I wish I was still in London.
No matter,what’s done is done.I can’t change things Esme and Ava are settled here.
I promise I will make the time to visit London,I miss you dearly.
And I should like to visit Papa’s and Lydia’s grave.
Hope to see you soon.
Your petit G x
The first few days of William’s life was filled with endless guests.I was so pleased to be finally reunited with my beautiful friend Sophia.It has been so long,since I’ve been in her company.I felt so greatful,that she left London to come and stay with me.Part of me felt alive,with her Carl and Daniel being around me,I no longer felt like the mother and wife.I found my identity again.I could recapture my forgotten youth.We were lost in the art of remenising and exchanging stories.’
‘She was quite the character,your Lucille?’ says Oliver.
‘Oh she has nothing on Gisele,the things we got up to?’
‘Oh Carl,you make me blush.’ I laughed.
‘I’m only speaking the truth.’
‘I was only fifteen.’
‘Is that all true about my Wife?’
‘Oh yes,the younger Gisele.She was quite a wild child,she may appear all sweet and innocent on the outside.Butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth.But get to know her she’s a right little vixen.’
‘My twisted little angel?’ Oliver teased.
‘Everybody’s got a past Olly.’
‘You could write a book about your colourful past.’ said Daniel.
‘It was sheer innocence.’ I sighed.
Everything was so beautiful and uncomplicated back then.I wish I could go back to those days.
Remember that wedding ring you made for me out of a daisy chain? I think I still have it somewhere.’
‘I always thought that you and Carl were going to get married?’
At this point Oliver slipped out.I choked on my tea. ‘Well that’s all in the past now,dead and buried.’
‘Oh,that’s a right.A right fine young filly you have?’ teased Daniel.
‘Daniel.’ Sophia elbowed Daniel. ‘She’s a fine young woman Carl,a good match.’
‘You’ve met her?’
‘Oh we had the priviledge of having champagne and canapes at Lady Rose Keating Estate,in London,she has property there.’
I looked over at Carl,the ultimate look of betrayal.
‘Oh Gisele.I’m so sorry.’
I tried to mask my disappointment.’It’s perfectly fine Carl,I’m sure there will be other opportunities? Maybe you could bring Lady Rose here on your next visit?’
‘I’d like that very much.’
Missing out on Lady Rose Keating’s function in London,confirmed what I had feared the most,deep down I miss London.Living here I feel so cut off from my family and friends.I’m scared tot mention my inner thoughts to Oliver.
‘Is something the matter my dear?’
‘I’m perfectly fine,it’s Oliver I’m worried about.If you excuse me I’m going to look for him.’
‘I’ll make sure Anna attends to your needs in my abscence.’
I slipped out,and went searching for Oliver,I discovered him locked away in his study.
‘Ah there you are!’
‘I didn’t think you’d miss me?’
‘Daniel didn’t mean what he says….about Carl and I?’
I found this a difficult subject to address. ‘You know what he’s like?’
‘It got me thinking.’
‘Thinking about what my darling?’
I sat down on his knee.
‘Seeing you two together,after all of that time apart? You still have that special bond?’
‘Is my Oliver jealous?’
I started to play with his hair.
‘All of those stories you shared? Memories that I’m not a part of?’
‘There just memories from childhood,you have nothing to be jealous of my darling Oliver.I may have loved Carl,but it’s the past.I’m sorry to break it to,I will love him deeply.He was my childhood sweetheart.But those feelings are nothing compared to what we have the bond we share,the fondness and tenderness we have for one another.We have the children,I love you in a different way.I know it’s not all romance flowers,and grande gestures.None of that matters,what we have here is compromise.Nothing will ever break that love.’
‘I thought that I was going to lose you?’
‘You will never lose me Oliver.’
‘I’ve had so many times,but somehow I want more.’
He kissed my hand.’It’s nice to see that ring returned to where it belongs?’
I smiled sweetly,he looked at my wedding band.He may feel relieved,but this ring is like I’m imprisoned,my fate is sealed.
Anna walks into the study.
‘Whatever is it Anna? I said that under any circumstances that I sharn’t be disturbed?’
‘It’s all right Anna.’
I tried to put her at ease,shes so nervous.I wish Oliver wasn’t so hard on her,she’s only trying to find her feet.’What is it?’
‘The Ladies Marianna,Letitia,Evangaline and Holly are here to see you.’
‘What are they doing here?’
‘They sent a letter…’
‘A few days ago….I’m sorry my lady,I forgot to give you it.’
‘How could you possibly forget to pass on an important letter!’ scolded Oliver.
‘I’m sorry my Lord! apologised Anna.
She could barely make eye contact with Oliver.The last time I saw him this angry,was when my affair to Sir Holmes was first exposed.
‘It’s alright Anna.’ I smiled. ‘You can leave.’
‘Thank you my lady.’ Anna curtised and vacated the drawing room.
‘You were the one who insisted on employing staff?’
‘I can do without you defying me in front of the servants.’
‘She’s young Oliver.’
‘Having youth on her side should be an advantage! She’s a bumbling idiot!’
‘Anna’s only finding her feet! Give her some credit for goodness sake!’
‘Don’t you speak to me to that tone!’
‘Or what? It must be difficult working for someone like you!’
‘Oh you know perfectly well what I am referring to?’
‘Sometimes I don’t know where I’m at with you Gis,one minute you’re purring like a pussy cat,attending to my every physical need.The next you’re acting like a leper,not baring to be any were near you!’
‘I may act hot and cold Oliver.But at least I treat the servants like they are human beings.You hardly acknowledge them unless your ripping them to shreds! You need to learn how to relax.What has happend to you Oliver!’
‘Well if I didn’t have to watch my wife’s every movement then maybe Gisele I could relax!’
‘My my the tables have turned! What exactly do you mean by that?!’
‘Oh? Come on cat got your tongue? Something is obviously eating you up? Spit it out.’
‘It’s funny how the heart can be so deceiving?’
‘I wish you would stop talking in riddles?’
‘How can I fully trust you before your eye stray again? Five,maybe ten years down the line.I mean tell me is your heart truly in this marriage? Or do you desire elsewhere?’
‘I can not believe you are saying this Oliver!’
‘I’m sorry if the truth hurts.’
‘I’m trying so hard to be the wife that you truly deserve! But you know whatever I do isn’t good enough anymore!’
‘Oh here we go,Gisele stop playing the victim card it doesn’t work anymore! You have had a hard life,so has everyone else! Grow up and get over it!’
‘The truth is finally coming out.Really what are you doing here? Sometimes I feel like you can push me the limit,you are so vile sometimes,you push me the limit that I want to slap you…but I love you.Now I don’t know anymore,Lord Rickman you are an arrogant pig! I just don’t know what I’m doing here anymore! You have finally crossed the line,there’s no going back from this!
I stormed out of the drawing room,slamming the door behind me.The conversation going around and around in my head.I’m tired and very emotional,since William was born I’ve been running on empty,trying to keep going for the sake of Esme and Ava is finally taking it’s toll on me.But I always thought if I had the love and support of Oliver,then that’s all that matters.Dark clouds has descended over the Rickman household.Does Oliver detect that I have been unfaithful to him? Has he caught Benjamin and I in one of our trysts? I shudder at the thought.I can not believe despite everything that we have been through,he doesn’t trust me.A voice interrupted my train of thought.
‘Trouble in paradise?’
I turned around and standing there was my beautiful Marianna,I looked into her beautiful blue eyes and all of my troubles melted away.My Mari has returned to make everything alright again.Like a lost lamb reunited with it’s mother.I ran over and gently embraced her,I sobbed gently against her chest.My heart pounding.
‘I’m so pleased to see you.’
‘I did write?’
‘None of that matters now,you’re here.And I’m so pleased.’
‘Looks like I came here at the right time?’
‘Everythings perfectly fine.’
‘Oh come on Gisele you don’t need to pretend anymore.I can read you like a book?’
She pulled away from me and gave me the once over,examining my hands,and placed her hands onto my waist.’
‘Are you eating properly,you’re all skin and bone child?’
‘And all your colours drained from your cheeks?’
‘Did you come all the way from London to see me? Or to give me the third degree?’
‘I’m only saying these things because I’m worried about you.’
‘I’m perfectly fine.’
‘You keep saying those words,but tell me are you saying that to reassure yourself? I mean it didn’t look fine to me? What’s really going on between you and Oliver?’
‘How long have you got?’
‘For you Gisele,all the time in the world….Letitia and the girls are longing to see you and William.There in the garden.
I walked hand with Marianna,as we made our way out into the garden.I was greeted by Holly and Evangaline.
‘Letitia is with Ava and Esme,there such a dream.’cried Holly.’If I ever have children,I should like them like that…..such angels!’
‘There not like that all of the time you know Holly,they can be hard work.
We sat down at a table,I looked across and noticed Letitia running around so young and care free with Esme and Ava.She was running closer towards us,followed by an excitable Sky.Quinn and Misty were circling around the children.
‘It’s their little game.’ I laughed.
‘Not too fast Quinn!’ giggled Ava.
‘Slight fever….she sends her love.’ Letitia was trying to catch her breath.’How do you manage to keep up with those angels?’
‘Plenty of practice,and poor Mama not too serious I hope?’
‘Oh don’t be like that.’
‘What? I’m mearly showing concern for my Mama,isn’t that allowed?’
‘I know that tone.’ sighed Letitia. ‘It breaks her heart to be parted from you Gisele.’
‘Oh I beg to differ Letty?’
‘Ever since you departed to France,she’s never been the same.How she longs to hold her new born grandson? She feels as if you and Oliver are living in two seperate worlds to us in London.’
‘I left London for a reason Letitia.’
‘We are all well aware that you all left under a cloud.’
‘I was was fearing for my life.’
‘Jack’s long gone?’ Reassured Marianna.
‘How can you be so sure? I asked. ‘Jack had a vendetta against Oliver and I.He will not rest until he has tracked me down and killed me! I have stolen his little Esme away from him! I knew I should have stayed with him.’
‘Have you lost your mind? He almost killed you,and if you have stayed with him.Then Esme and Ava would be without their mother…..We would be visiting your grave,as well as Papa’s and Lucille’s.’ sobbed Holly.
‘Oh don’t be so dramatic Holly! I’m much stronger than that,I would never have allowed it.’
Evangaline decided to change the subject. ‘I hear Carl’s new lady friend is the talk of London and Rome?’
I didn’t say a utter a single word.
‘Gisele jealous? That her little play thing has finally cut her ties once and all? teased Holly.
‘No!’ I protested.
‘Do I detect slight blushing from Lady Rickman?’ added Evangaline.
‘Now who’s being childish now? Evan?’
‘I’m just stating what the rest of London’s thinking?’
‘Well they can think what they like.I suspect its that vile woman Lady Chadwick pouring poison into Lord Oliver’s ear?’
‘I didn’t realise they were still corresponding?’
‘I found some secret letters in his study.Oh don’t so surprised despite everything,Oliver always likes to keep in with society.Whilst I’m the one potrayed as the villainess of the piece.Carl and I shall always remain friends.He’s stood by through thick and thin.’
‘Like a pair of worn out slippers?’ suggested Holly.’He was too dull for my liking.’
‘That’s because you’re highly strung Holly,you need a special kind of gentleman to keep you in check,a man full of patience for the likes of you and unfortunately for you I dont think he exists.’
‘It’s not my fault if I’m choosy.”
You’re too high maintainance thats your trouble.No Carl,he’s too ordinary for your liking.He’s more like a faithful Golden Retriever.No insult to his character, He would ran a mile like the others,at the first sign of trouble.I have been beastly to him over the years.’
‘He deserved some of the ill treatment.’ said Marianna.
‘Yes,but not all of it.It’s mainly to do with his ill decisions.One of them…you my dear Holly,you would eat him for your breakfast if you had the choice? Despite everything I shall stand by that man till the day I die.’
‘Quite the smitten kitten?’ said Evangaline.
‘Isn’t it about time you conscentrated on finding a suitable match?’
‘That’s a bit harsh for even for you Gisele.’ whispered Letitia.
‘I’m sorry if the truth hurts,but you should be conscentrating on your own lives,rather than interfering in mine.’
‘That’s because we worry about you Gis,we heard raised voices…is that what you and Oliver were arguing about? You and Lord Casey?’
‘Eavesdrop much?’ Letitia elbowed Holly in the ribs.
‘Ow! That hurt Letty!’
‘Don’t be such a drama queen Holly!’
‘I’m in pain!’ squealed Holly.
‘You haven’t suffered pain until you’ve endured child birth….I’ve got scars physically and mentally to prove it.’
‘It shall teach you to go snooping round we’re not welcome.’ scowled Letitia. ‘You’ll be giving the servants a bad name.’
‘It’s no secret….I’m not consealing anything from my sister’s.Oliver and I had a slight disagreement.He seems to have got it into his head that there’s three people in our marriage?’ I sobbed.
‘Oooh quite the scandal! I think I shall enjoy my stay at Marseille’s’ said Holly.
‘I’m not that kind of girl Holly.’
‘Could’ve fooled me.’
‘Oh Holly watch your tone.Whatever gave you that impression.You should be supporting your sister,not making a mockery at your expense? Gisele?’
‘Sophia,Carl,Daniel and I were retelling stories from the past.Oliver was sat in the corner like a spoilt child,reluctant to join in…Please don’t give me that look,it was pure innocent fun.You know that there is nothing going on between Carl and I my feelings for him were dead.Everything was going so well.It was the first time that champagne has passed my lips since William was born.I felt so relaxed and alive,until the moment was ruined.Daniel piped up with his big mouth saying he always thought that Carl and I would marry?’
‘Oh Gisele I’m so sorry.’
‘I just wanted to slap Daniel across the face,but I managed to compose myself.Carl and I adore one another,but we have issues.It brought back memories to the night of my twenty first.It was so long ago,but holds painful memories for Carl,he hides the scars well.But I can still see it in his eyes how hurt he was.I used and abused his good nature and position of society.I led him to believe I would marry him.This of course sent Oliver into a jealous rage.’
‘But you chose Oliver over Carl?’
‘My thought exactly Mari,I tried as I might to smoot things over.Soothing him gently,getting him on my side.’
‘You have nothing to prove to him Gis?’
‘I do,after Declan.I have so much to make up to him.I was telling that everything’s all right,that my love for him is different to my love for Carl,then Anna walked in.’
‘Talk about ill timing?’
‘Ill indeed,she was announcing your arrival.We argued as Anna misplaced your letter.I couldn’t believe I married a man I believed to have loved could be so malicious to servants.’
‘You’ve got to admit Gis,at first you thought he liked to throw his weight around?’ said Letitita.
‘Yes,that was before I got to know the real Oliver the one I eventually fell in love with.I was defending her position,I know I didn’t have to but…I thought I have got to stand up to him,and then that’s when he shattered my illusions.Lord Rickman revealed his true colours,I’m not a violent person but there and then I wanted to take that vase that Lady Chadwick bought as a wedding present and throw it directly at him! He said how he couldn’t trust me,he never truly could after the way I had deceived him so cruelly! It broke my heart,so instead of defending my name and honour I took the cowardly way out and stormed out of the drawing room like an impetulent child!’
‘I am so sorry,I wish I never asked?’ said Letitia.
‘In the past I deserved the treatment,I took him for granted,behaved appallingly.But I paid the price,I was the cause of father’s death.So at last the truth has finally been revealed for the past few years my life in France hasn’t had the fairy tale ending that I have once dreamed of.On the outside it may appear to be perfect to the outside world,the beautiful chateu,the stunning masquerade balls and endless dinner parties.The dream stables and the children that I have always hoped for.But take a look closer and the truth is finally revealed.I have never felt so cut off and isolated here.I have been so miserable and lonely here.I haven’t any true friends here not really.Ok I may have Louisa,but it’s not the same as the friendship and memories that I share with Sophia,how I miss her so.Louisa has been so self-absorbed so wrapped up in Lord Henry,that I barely get the chance to see her.Who can blame her? She is starting a new exciting chapter in her life,I don’t want to be holding her back.I have thought of nothing else but how I long to return to London.