Next day,I just laid in bed,with not a care in the world.I dreamt that Oliver was cradling his precious son whilst I looked on lovingly.It was so beautiful and perfect,the baby was dressed in white.A sudden movement and I jolted up,I turned and looked across at Oliver’s pillow,hoping to look at his beautiful face.He wasn’t there,I circled across the room and noticed that he was staring outside the window.
‘What are you doing over there?’
‘Admiring the sun set.’
He turned and looked at me. ‘Sorry sweet pea,did I wake you?’
‘It’s still early,come back to bed.’
Oliver climbed back onto the bed,I rest my head on his lap,he started to stroke my hair.
‘I love it when you do that.What’s on your mind? Hmm tell me? You know when I start to get worried when you go all quiet on me?’
‘Someone pinch me?’
‘I thought I dreamt of my wife telling me that I was going to become a father again.Sometimes I feel like my whole existence is like it’s based on this beautiful dream.I mean Esme and Ava,thank god for bringing theminto my life.You…Your the angel of mercy,who fell from heaven and landed in my life,filling it with never ending grace and love.Sometimes I feel if I open my eyes,you’re not going to be there anymore.I’m so lucky.’
‘No,I’m the lucky one.There are times when I feel that you really should have walked past me that night.I’m unfaithful to you and I don’t mean to.Everytime I feel like I die inside,I don’t want to hurt you anymore.Hand on my heart,I promise you time and time again,I would never do that,but it only takes one stolen look,a kiss upon the cheek and I just fall into bed with them.The thought of doing that,I just see you die a little more inside.I mean if you ever did that to me,I would just die.How do you forgive me?’
‘The thought of you and him,his hands all over your body,his kiss upon your soft lips,I can’t erase that image from my mind.’
‘I’m so sorry,I truly am.’
‘I know,our baby is going to be a fresh new start for us.I’m so worn out and confused,but I know one thing for sure that…I promise never to hurt you again.’
‘So when are you going to start telling everyone?’
‘It’s still early stages,I told Mama that I had a slight fever.Besides I think it’s kind of exciting having our own little secret….Though I must confess,please don’t be mad at Louisa,she knows.’
‘She recognised the symptoms,I couldn’t deny it Oliver.’
‘Are you angry?’
‘No,no of course not.’
‘She swore that she would keep it to herself.’
‘Very noble of her.’
‘She’s trying Oliver,give her some credit.’
‘I can’t believe you’r defending her honour?’
‘Neither can I,I think we turned a corner yesterday.She confided in me Oliver,I can’t remember the last time she did that.She is so happy with Benjamin,she has the idea planted into her head,that he will propose to her.’
‘She said that?’
‘Yes,it’s such a mess Olly,the thought of keeping this secret from her,it’s killing me.’
‘She must never never discover the earth.’
I walked into the grounds,I saw Lord Henry talking to Louisa under the archway.They looked so lost in one another,as they gazed into one another’s eye. It certainly wasn’t a lovers tryst what I’ve secretly yearned for.Why can’t he look towards me the way he is looking towards her.Louisa is holding onto his every word,whispering sweet nothings into her ear as they faced one another palm to palm.It felt forbidden overlooking this scene. I shouldn’t be here.Before I attempted to slip away,Benjamin caught my eye.Benjamin caught my eye.
‘Up early I see?’
‘Benjamin came unannounced isn’t it frightfully romantic of him?’ she gushed.
‘Isn’t he just?’ I painted a false smile across my face.
‘I’ll go and tell Oliver that we have an extra guest for breakfast.’
With that she walked up the steps.
‘Really? You’re becoming more of a pest,an insect that should be squashed.’
‘That’s not a nice way to greet a friend Gisele?’
‘I don’t trust you.’
‘Show my your colours.’
‘You’ve lost me?’
‘All of this hostile behaviour,it masks the tension that’s between us? Open up your heart to me.’
‘Leave me alone.’
I ran back inside,I grabbed my riding helmet,
I ran back inside,I grabbed my riding helmet,I am my own worst enemy my sisters are indeed right I run away from the ghosts of my past,all of my dreams aught to be shaped around the love of my girls and my husband.Why do I feel this pang of hate not of Louisa and Lord Henry but for my husband.Oh if only I could click my fingers and dream him out of existance,I shouldn’t feel like this towards my husband I should only feel warmth and love.If only the telegram was true and Lord Rickman was dead then perhaps Louisa wouldn’t have become Lord Henry’s fair maiden so to speak.If only I had met Lord Henry first,but do I really honestly and truthfully love Lord Henry or is because he resembles something I couldn’t possily have.I brushed past Oliver,I had to get out of there and away from Lord Rickman,Lord how you must want to punish me,he rescued me from the clutches of that monster Jack and this is how I repay him.Lusting over a stranger I barely know.
‘You haven’t had your breakfast sweetpea?’
‘I’m not hungry.’ I walked out of the room.
I can not bare to be in the same room as him,the chemistry between us was electric,no denying that.So many false promises,forever going back on his word.If only Louisa knew the depth of his deception,what kind of man she had set her heart and future on.He was a snake,a charming one that I cannot resist.He’s like a drug,got me hooked wanting more and more.I feel powerless to walk away.It seems like what goes around comes around,the moment I have a dash of happiness and it’s snatched out of the palm of the hand.Then I felt ashamed,I gently kicked Quinn’s side,and we trotted off into the distance.
I could have went further,but a trigger off into inside of me,like a loaded gun.I have let men push me around in the past,Matthew Jack and look where that landed me,I just keep on running.Sometimes I wish that pick up a paper in a parisian pavement cafe,and discover that Matthew’s died of a grisly death.Yes I know I shouldn’t think like that,but he hounded me,he raped me and took away my dignity.But that would be taking the easy way out.I would like to watch him endure a slow and painful death,and I would watch on with a smile upon my face.How I long to watch him suffer.
Benjamin isn’t a monster,he’s just a weakness that is far too tempting to resist.I rode back towards the house,took one look at it.
‘Time to face the music Quinn.’
I walked back through the hall way,Louisa was saying goodbye to Benjamin.Why must she insist upon these displays of public affection?
‘I’m sorry Louisa,I have business to.Perhaps?’
He looked down.
‘What is it Ben?’
‘You could come with me?’
‘Don’t be absurd,I’m needed here.’
‘I’m sure Oliver and Gisele can spare you?’
‘Tempting offer my Lord?’
‘Is that a yes then?’
‘Ok,you’ve twisted my arm,I’ll go and pack a few things.’
Louisa disappeared.I clapped my hands.
‘I suppose that little charade was for my benefit?’
‘How very observant of you Lady Rickman?’
‘Whisking Louisa off to Versailles will only further head full of nonsense….She’s got it into her pretty little head that your going to propose?’
‘And what’s wrong with that?’
‘Louisa may appear to act all strong,but she’s been hurt in the past.She’s a sweet fragile soul.If you hurt her?’
‘Is that a threat?’
‘I’m not afraid of you.’
‘Enough of the mind games Gisele…I know you’re secret,carrying Oliver’s child?’
‘Louisa slipped it into conversation,don’t worry you’re secrets safe with me…You think this be the answer to your marriage’s survival.’
‘Despite everything,Oliver and I we’ve stood the test of time.’
‘I want you.’
I moved closer to Benjamin,his lips almost touched mine,I was within an inch of him.He put his hands on my waist.These few words that he was about to whisper into my ear,I indeed his mistress were about to change my world forever.Close your eyes and forget about him,you’re Lady Rickman,wife to a loyal husband,two beautiful daughters.Why must you insist upon behaving like a child? Papa would be so ashamed of you, ‘Petit Gisele,why I aught to place you upon my knee and thrash you.Lord Rickman is indeed a good man,he has stood by you,taken you back accepted Esme and embraced him as his own,why you aught to be ashamed of yourself.
‘Forget about Oliver and Louisa,and let’s run away together.’
I brushed his hands off.
‘In your dreams.’
‘In my head,I’ve had you so many times but some how I want more.’
I walked back into the light,I passionately kissed him,I didn’t care if we were caught.I wanted him there and then,I wanted him to take me upstairs,I heard a creak on the stairs,I pulled away from him,it was Louisa,Benjamin wiped his mouth.
‘Someone’s looking guilty?’
‘How do you mean?’ I smiled.
‘Oh you know whispering in corners,you’re planning something aren’t you?’
‘Are you ready?’
‘Someone’s packed lightly?’
Oh,I have hats for every occasion,I’m prepared for anything and I have packed a special gown in case you have a special question to ask.I know I’m not blind Benjamin…I know what’s going on….The carriage is waiting for us.’
‘I won’t be long,I’ll say our goodbye to your brother.’
‘Oh you really don’t have to do that?’
‘Isn’t that the honourable thing to do?’
Louisa kissed Benjamin on the cheek. ‘So sweet.’
She left us standing there.
‘I’m sorry,I don’t know what came over me?’ apologised Benjamin.
‘We’re both to blame.Go to Versailles,do what you have to do,propose to her,live happily ever after.Just leave me out of it yes?’
‘When I kissed your mouth,I thought what love was supposed to feel like,when you ran your fingers through my hair…I think I’m falling for you Gisele.’
‘No Benjamin,we live seperate lives,we’re worlds apart? Louisa….’
‘I could never love her.’
‘You could if you tried? I’m trying so hard,for the sake of my unborn child,and children.Louisa’s waiting for you,as is my husband.’
Benjamin walked outside,I sat on the steps and watched the coach pull away.Oliver sat down beside me.He placed his hands on mine.
‘She’s just left.’
‘I guessed that…I watched the carriage leave from the window,the children are asking for their Mama.’
‘I won’t be long,I’m just getting some air.’
‘Is there was something on your mind Sweet Pea,as your husband,I’d like to know.’
‘This Lord Benjamin can we honestly trust him with Louisa?’
‘Whatever gave you that impression?’
‘Whenever he’s anywhere near me,he gives me the chills that’s all.’
‘Word is he’s keen on you?’
‘Do me a favour.’
‘As are you.’
‘I see the way you look at another,there’s an instant spark there.You have chemistry with him?’
‘He’s tolerably handsome I suppose,but I wouldn’t go there again.’
Oliver kissed me on the cheek. ‘Look but don’t touch.’
‘Have I said something wrong?’
‘I can’t believe you’re saying this?’
‘Gisele I was only messing.’
My emotions are all over the place,my body is changing every minute,and you’re suggesting that I have feelings for another gentleman?’
‘It was just an innocent remark.’
‘Oliver,I’m carrying your child,or doesn’t any of that matter to you? I may be your wife and mother to your children.It doesn’t matter whatever I accomplish in my life,to you I’ll always be the common little tart who fell lucky.’
‘No,you know I don’t think like that!’
‘It’s not what you say that gets me,it’s the way you say it sometimes.’
‘I’m only speaking the truth.It’s obvious he wants you,the way he leers down at your chest,and your stupid enough to allow him to do it!’
‘So the truths coming out now! It’s not your fault that your wife is extremely beautiful! You weren’t there,you let me fall.’
‘Gisele,I didn’t mean it that way,it’s you,you get my head in a spin.’
‘Stop playing with my emotions Oliver.Sometimes I wish I was this whole idea of having a child was such a good idea.It all comes down to,you’re wanting an heir to your fortune! And poor Esme and Ava will be left out in the cold with nothing! I’m sorry I can’t be with you when you’re like this,I retiring upstairs.
I slammed the door,to our bedchamber,this is not how I imagined married life would be second time round.It breaks my heart,that all we seem to do is fight.I know it’s behind closed doors,so Esme and Ava can’t hear.But how do we know that they aren’t picking up on the icy atmosphere,I hate them to see their Mama cry.Chilling thoughts sent shivers down my spine,I hate to think that in say ten years time,sitting down at the dinner table and discovering that their childhood had been destroyed because of their selfish tart of a mother,and their poor sap of a father who willingly takes me back.There’s got to be change around here,no it’s not ideal to bring a baby into a world full of hate.I admit I am partially to blame,sometimes I just let my hear rule my head,the words just come pouring out of my mouth,holding any reguard for the consequences.I sat up,what am I doing? I shouldn’t be up here,like a damsel in distress locked away from the outside world.I slowly walked down the stairs,I found Oliver,sitting in the shadows,smoking a cigar in the drawing room.
‘Why are you sitting in the dark?’
‘I’ve been thinking.’
‘Oliver we need to talk….I need to apologise for my current rash behavior.The truth is,I’m just scared of what’s facing us.I want to be so close to you,forever longing to hold you once more.I’m going hot,then cold.I hate you,then I love you.I shouldn’t be making any excuses…I don’t want you to slip through my fingers again.I don’t want to bring my children up single handedly,because I just couldn’t do it alone.’
‘You know that’s never going to happen?’
‘There’s still a war? You might….’
‘I will not allow that to happen to us again.’
‘I’m so lonely.’
‘Nobody wants to be lonely sweetpea.’ He kissed my forehead,I stretched across his knees,I inhaled the smoke.
‘I’ve always like the smell of cigars….reminds me of my papa.’
‘You must really miss him?’
‘Every single day,sometimes when I’m out riding with Quinn.If I close my eyes for a split second,I can hear him whisper my name in the wind.I never thought I’d take to Quinn as much as Cossack,but the strong bond we’ve formed so quickly.It’s as though Cossack’s spirit lives within my beautiful Quinn.I think I know what our problem is? We’ve spent too much time living in one another’s pockets.I know the solution of saving our marriage? I know it’s a lot to ask of you,but I long to just away to paris,alone time to soak up the atmosphere,regroup.’
‘What if Jack finds you?’
‘That’s the risk I’m prepared to take.’
‘We need this,I don’t want to end up hating you,I need time to find myself again.’
A few days later,I said to my farewells to Oliver,we bid a fond farewell,kissed my beloved goodbye and waved to my childen.I stepped into the carriage and took one last at my husband and children.I feel guilty leaving them behind,but I need some space,much needed time alone to discover myself again.Say goodbye to my doubts and anxieties,and return to Marseilles as a changed woman.
When I finally arrived in paris,I stepped on to the parisian streets,carrying my luggage in my hands.I had no place to stay,but I’ll survive.I stopped at a pavement cafe,the travelling had taken it’s toll,I sat down,a friendly waiter passed by,I asked for a tea,as I waited I watched the world go by,I imagined myself as a single lady,starting out in life,searching for her first love.Sometimes I envy Holly and Evangaline,they have no ties holding them back.As I had my tea,part of me hoped to somehow have an encounter with Lord Benjamin.Just one more dance and that would be that.I could move on from feeling like this,come on snap out of this Gisele,you have two beautiful children,with a husband waiting for your return back home.Oliver loves the bones off you,get that absurd idea out of your head.But whenever he’s near me,he leaves me breathless,the slightest touch and I feel weak.No doubt he’ll be in Versailles toasting his future happiness with Louisa.
I decided whilst on my trip here,I would indulge myself with a brand new ball gown,paris is the height of fashion at this time of year,how Evangaline and Holly will be green with envy when I see them next.
I fell in love with a beautiful coral blue gown,it had encrusted necklace,that would compliment my body,I’m not showing at the minute so I think I shall be able to squeeze into it.As I walked thorugh the parisian streets once more,I felt a hand on me.He pulled me into the side streets.I turned and looked.
I embraced him,it was so good to see him after all of this time,all of that hate I felt for him previously had faded away in an instant.
‘What are you doing here?’
‘I could ask you the same thing? Said Carl. ‘No Oliver?’
‘He’s at home with the children.’
‘You’re looking well?’
‘Thank you,I thought you were in Italy?’
‘Not anymore,I moved here a few weeks ago.I was going to write to you,but…’
‘It’s in the past,I’ve missed you so.’
‘Where are you staying?’
‘I hadn’t really thought about that…’
‘Well you’re very welcome to stay at mine.’
‘That’s very kind of you.’ I smiled.
We made our way back to his place,it looked familiar,I’ve been here before whilst I was with Declan..
‘Is something the matter?’
‘I thought that you’d sold this place?’
‘I held on to it just in case things didn’t work out in Italy? So what brings you to Paris?’
‘Oliver insisted that I take a break from home life.’
‘How very noble of Lord Rickman?’
‘You really do despise him don’t you? To think you and Oliver were once so close?’
‘He married the love of my life.Don’t worry,I’m not dredging up the past.For once in my life,I can finally say that I’m over you.’
‘I’m glad to hear it,so is there a significant other in your life?’
‘No one can live up to my high expectations,you’re truly one of a kind Gis…How’s Holly by the way?’
‘Finally over you,thank you very much.I lost counts of the nights I heard her crying into her pillow.’
‘I’m truly sorry.’
‘How are the children?’
‘Really well thank you.’
I have some news,I’m carrying Oliver’s child.’
‘That’s amazing news.’
‘My family are unaware,so I’d appreciate if you…’
‘I wont say a word.’
‘Thank you.I’m teaching Esme and Ava how to ride,Oliver kindly bought them a pony.’
‘I was so sorry to hear about Cossack,awful business.’
‘Like you,I’m moving on.’
‘Are you still riding?’
‘Of course,I have a new one,Quinn.She’s such a joy to ride.You’ll have to come and see her sometimes.’
‘That I shall.’
‘Any word from Jack?’
‘Not since we moved from Marseilles,thank heavens.’
‘You can’t live your life like that,constantly in the shadows.Your past will only catch up to you in the end.’
Carl paused for a moment,he looked down.
‘Whatever is it?’
‘It can keep.’
‘Please don’t push me out.’
‘No matter how hard your flutter your eyelashes at me,it’s not going to work.I can’t involve you,you’ve just told me you’re pregnant?’
‘You and I,I know that we’ve drifted apart,but I’m so happy to have found you in my life.Now please Carl…’
‘You will stand by me no matter what?’
‘You know I would.It’s Matthew.’
‘Oh what has he done now?’
‘I’ve killed him.’
I stood up,I could hardly breathe.
‘Is it hot in here?’
‘Is there a window open?’
Carl grabbed hold of my arm.
‘You killed?!’ I whispered ‘You killed Matthew?’
‘Matthew,he had money troubles,gambled his fortune away,properties,women….you name it..He came to Italy and demanded that I gave him his fair share of the Casey fortune that had been left to me.’
‘He can’t possibly…
‘Oh yes he can,he thinks that,he came in the dead of the night,dragged me outside.He said out rightly that he had squandered his will.He said that because mine is attached to the Casey fortune,he has a right.Just like he thought he had a right to you,mind body and soul.’
‘He said that?’
‘He was calling you worse than dirt,slapper,whore,lowest of the low.I couldn’t stand for him calling you my precious Gis that,it broke my heart.You’re a close friend,you mean the world to me,despite our ups and downs.’
‘You didn’t have to kill him for me?’
‘I didn’t have a choice!’
‘Of course you did,you have blood on your hands Carl!’
‘It was either do or die Gisele,fighting for survival.I thought he was going to kill me.He had a gun pointed at the back of me.I thought I don’t want to die.I haven’t loved,not really.Not married,had children,Matthew had no right to steal my dream away from me.There was a rock close by,and without second thought.I hit him over the head,I hit him really hard.At first I thought that the impact wasn’t too bad,that I had just knocked him out cold.I checked to see if he was breathing.He was dead,so I panicked and I took the body and dumped it,you don’t need to know where.Please I beg of you,don’t say anything!’
‘I know it’s a lot to ask of you.’
‘I want to help you carry this heavy burden,I’m not abandoning you.It was self defence Carl,I couldn’t bare to let you out of my life.I still love you.’
I kissed his lips. ‘You were my first love,of course I’ll protect you.You need to stay calm.Act like nothing’s wrong.’
‘I’m sorry for dragging you into this mess.’
‘And I’m sorry that you had to do this alone.’
‘Whenever I close my eyes,I see his face I’m not the man I thought I was,I look in the mirror and I am repulsed with myself.I’m a cold blooded killer.’
‘You’re not Carl,my advice for you is run,run as far away as you could possibly go,don’t look back.’
‘I dont’t know,anywhere.We’re nobody know’s you….You can start again,maybe you could find the love of your life there?’
‘I don’t think she exists?’
‘A kind hearted man like you,oh the women will flock.’
‘Don’t humour me.’
‘It’s true,and you have your looks in your favour.You know before,I didn’t mean to say all of those vile things to you.’
‘Don’t you ever forget about me Carl Casey?’
‘How could I ever forget you? You’re the one who got away.’
I embraced Carl.
‘I wish things could have been different Carl,I truly do.’
‘You’d have made a beautiful wife.I would have looked after you,protected you from all darkness.’
‘I realise that now.Please don’t let this set back haunt you for the rest of your life.It will consume you.Take my advice it only causes harm and self-destruction.Believe me,I should know.I’ve screwed up my marriage more ways than you can believe.For another man,a Sir Benjamin and I have acted upon them.Oliver is aware of my deceit,I came clean to him and he forgave me.He just doesn’t the extent of my lies Carl.’
‘So that explains you travelling alone?’
‘I needed to be on my own,seeing him it’s killing me…I…’
‘This is all of Matthew’s doing,he made you like this.’
‘I just can’t get him out of my system,its such a tangled web of deceit and deception.Louisa thinks that he’s the love of her life and Ive stolen that right away from her.’
My advice to you ,please don’t hate me,but you…You need to stop running and face up to the consequences.
‘I would lose everything.’
‘Not everything,you still have me in case it goes wrong?’
‘Yes,you’re so right Carl.My unborn child,doesn’t deserve to be born into a world like this.I have to face up to my actions.’
‘Forgive me Gisele,but does your feelings extend further than,do you love him?’
‘No,but I think he’s madly in love with me.My few little white lies,tell a story it always ends with Oliver getting hurt.Things need to drastically change in my life.It pains me to say this,but maybe Ava,Esme and Oliver are better off without me.I need to cut my ties and walk away.’
‘Ava and Esme need their mother.’
‘No Ava and Esme don’t need me.What kind of life can I give them?’
You’re not thinking clearly? You’re a pregnant,vulnerable woman.’
‘Stupid,but certainly not vulnerable.If I was vulnerable,Oh I would never have fallen into Benjamin’s arms.I’ve inflicted this pain on Oliver.I can’t keep doing this to him.’
‘You and Oliver are volatile,pleasure and pain full of passion,it keeps your passion ignited.’
Look at,Where’s that feisty,bright,feisty Gisele Delessop that I fell in love with all those years ago? There isnt a trace of her left,she’s vanished.’
I touched his face. ‘I’m here,you’re Gisele’s here.’
‘You’re spirit and vest for life has gone Gis,you’ve lost the fire that ran through your veins.Where’s that cheeky glint that once drove gentleman wild?’
‘I look in the mirror and I see only a poor reflection.I’m frightened,I don’t recognise myself anymore.I used to to have so much passion,so much love.I mean who is this ghostly girl that’s looking right back at me? I used to be in love with life.It feels like when you have one of those bad dreams and you can’t wake up.It’s like when Oliver and I when we fight,deep down the passions still there but…I’ve been holding back for years.There’s a river of tears that I’m longing to shed,who knows where I’m going? I mean should I walk away with my head held firmly high.Or stay and fight for the love of my life.I was so young when I first met him,it was love at first sight, the fluttering of butterflies in my stomach.I couldn’t take my eyes off him.I felt all of those feelings like Juliet for Romeo.I couldn’t bare to be apart from him.I wanted to spend every single breathing of my life with him.I couldn’t imagine not a day went back not waking up next to him.I’m scared to come to the conclusion that I’ve out grown the love of my life.’
Carl left me alone to reflect upon my thoughts,none of those words had fully registered with me.Carl,my childhood sweetheart is a cold blooded killer,and I’m the one to blame.His undying passion for me has bubbled up to the surface once more and has driven him to self-destruction.I fear he’s going to lose the plot and confess all in the middle of a crowded Parisian ball room.My life is turning into a scene from Macbeth.Oh my he’s slowly transforming into Lady Macbeth before my very eyes.He has blood on his hands.I’m torn should I run away,not involve myself in these dodgy dealings.Or stand by his hand,Carl is alone I am the only friend he has.Ok,stop you should be jumping for glee, at the prospect of Matthew has been finally erased out of your life.You have always fantasied of him suffering a cruel death,but not like this.The amount of anxiety he has caused me,turning your pure heart,into a heart of stone.Stealing away my pride and dignity,he raped you.But I can’t help thinking of the debt Carl will have to pay with the guilt hanging around his neck for the rest of his life.Will he ever marry and have children of his own? He’s an honest man,that’s why I love him.He could never keep this from his wife.His gesture of undying love has taken a dark and sinister twist.It may have cost him his freedom,and as for Oliver how could I conceal this secret from him? We’re married,this could be the ultimate act of betrayal.As for Benjamin,he may have caught me off guard.With those beautiful eyes and spine tingling charm.But I can’t go down that road again.Spinning an endless web of deceit and lies.Benjamin may promise me the world.I’m torn,I vowed that I would stand by Oliver.I’m having his child,but I can’t help feeling curious about what it would be like to be a Lady stepping out into society for the first time,having no attachments,Catching a handsome strangers eye across a crowded ball room.But in my darkest hour how could I possibly walk away from him?’
I closed my eyes,I can’t hide anymore.I took a deep breath.
‘I think it’s time.’
A few weeks later
I finally returned to Versailles to face my demons,I tried to place it to the back of my head.What can be said? On the journey back,the words kept spinning around in my head.I felt physically sick,when I reached the grounds of the chateu,I saw Esme and Ava in the grounds,chasing around after their beloved Quinn and Misty,Skye the dog was bouncing merrily alongside them.Esme noticed me first,my heart melted,little Esme,how could I ever leave you?’
‘She ran over to me,I picked her up.
‘Tears rolled down my cheeks. ‘I’ve missed you.’
I looked up and saw Benjamin was standing there,carefully putting my daughter down.
‘What are you doing here?’I looked at Esme and Ava. ‘Go and play children.’
I watched as Esme and Ava ran off.
‘Louisa and I have an announcement to make.You’re back just in time.Unless?’
‘Oliver wasn’t expecting you for another week or so…Unless Louisa has already informed you,and you’ve come back to change my mind?’
‘You’re delutional?’ I scoffed.
‘I know the real reason why you went away? It’s all beginning to make sense now,it’s because because you’re desperately in love with me?’
Don’t go denying it Gisele? I could see it in your eyes? The look of disappointment to discover Louisa and I have some news to share?’
‘Ok.I admit that.You’ve caught me off guard.What I feel…It’s an infatuation,I was jealous when you said those words.But you don’t know me at all? If you see something,a look in my eyes. Please Lord Henry,don’t analyse the situation.You could promise me the world and say forever more.You may pity me and only see me as a sad and lonely Lady.But how dare you judge me! Like you’ve known me all of my life!’
He grabbed hold of my wrist.I don’t know what I should be feeling at this time,turning anger,sheer jealous.I don’t know how to love him.
‘You sad pitterful man.’
He pulled me into his waist.
‘I’m not afraid of you,Benjamin.You have no hold me.’
His beautiful eyes looked into mine, he kissed me.His lips felt so tender.I want this beautiful man.I kissed him back.
‘Why do we keep doing this ?’
‘I don’t know,I know this is wrong but I can’t keep running. I feel drawn to you.’
‘Like a moth drawn to a flame?’
‘You’ve stolen my heart Benj.’
He led me to the stables,I held his hand, holding on for dear life.I couldn’t stop shaking.He started to kiss me,he had stolen my heart a thousand times before,but never like this.I started to remove my shoes,he kisesed me passionately on the neck,moving his fingers down,he started to unfasten my corset ribbons.I couldn’t take my eyes off him.He kissed me passionately lost in the moment.I wanted him there and then.He playfully brushed a strand away from my face and he gently pushed me down.Two hearts becoming one,I was lost this is what my heart truly desired. I closed my eyes.